The sun beamed through
The windows of our house
At 770 Almar Avenue
Mom’s making pancakes into shapes
I want a horse!
My sister wants a bunny
Yellow was her favorite color
Our rooms were decorated with
Yellow bedposts, yellow sheets, yellow pillows
It made her smile
And when she smiled
She beamed
And our whole family of 6

She ate a banana
Every morning
With her coffee
She made our lunches
And kissed us on the cheek
Then brushed our yellow heads
That matched hers

The summer sun warmed our skin
And the ocean cooled it down
At the beach in San Diego
Covered in sun screen from
A yellow bottle that smelled like coconut
Endless summers
Full of family
Countless cousins
Playing cards in the living room
Puzzles out on the deck
Walks to 7/11 for ice cream
Placing pennies on the train track
She painted my childhood

The bile heaving from her body
Was yellow
Her eyes were yellow
But they weren’t hers
Surrounded by little yellow pill bottles
We wore yellow masks
Her face was tinted yellow

A yellow that wouldn’t shut up
Or leave us alone
A suffocating yellow
Antagonizing yellow
Monstrous yellow
Toxic yellow
Yellow took over her body
And her mind
Everything she said was yellow
Her last breaths were yellow

I rise from her ashes
Like a phoenix
She was raised in Phoenix
Where the desert was on fire
And everything was yellow
Her childhood full of casseroles
And sunlight
And yellow freckles
6 sisters and 1 brother
With yellow heads
The photographs
Black and white
Are now yellow
Stained with acid
Like her breath
From the cigarettes she smoked

Yellow was her favorite color

My mom (the baby), my amazing grandmother, my mom’s biological father (he passed away when she was only 3 years old), and 4 of her 6 siblings. The last two hadn’t been born yet!